


50 Wordless Ways to Say "I Love You"

by myaekingheart



Series: The Scarecrow and the Bell [14]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myaekingheart/pseuds/myaekingheart
Summary: A collection of fluffy one-shots based on this tumblr post:  https://myaekingheart.tumblr.com/post/642878623968329728/50-item-writing-prompts-50-wordless-ways-to-say[Standalone companion piece to The Scarecrow and The Bell]
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Natsuki Rei, Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Scarecrow and the Bell [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913203
Kudos: 4





	1. holding their hands when they are shaking

Kakashi had almost forgotten how bad it was when she got her panic attacks. It had been so long since he had seen her suffer. He had almost hoped she would have grown out of it, that with her newfound strength and skill she would have found a way to defeat her inner demons. Yet here she was now sitting on the edge of his bed, her heart pounding and her body growing clammy. Shaky breaths racked her entire body, peppered with a gag here and there when she couldn’t keep herself together. His heart broke for her and, even worse, he was terrified.

Kakashi stayed there frozen for a long while, just watching her suffer through it on her own. He wondered if there was anything he even _needed_ to do. If she had been dealing with anxiety for so long, he was sure she knew how to handle it by herself. But the question was whether she _deserved_ to, and the answer was most assuredly no. But what was he supposed to do? What if he tried something that only ended up making things worse? He didn’t think he could stomach the thought.

He tried to ask her if she was alright, though he knew it was a stupid question, but the words choked in his throat anyway. He considered getting up and pouring her a glass of water from the sink but he didn’t want to leave her. He especially did not want to leave her without a solid explanation—the last thing he wanted was for her to think he was abandoning her—and he didn’t think he had the capacity to speak right now. He felt as if anything he tried to say might only come out in strangled nonsense, mute and meaningless.

Rei dug her nails into the palms of her hands and a sob broke past her lips. She didn’t even know why she was panicking. Sometimes they just happened to come about without a single prompt. She hated when she got like this, though. She felt so weak and helpless. She felt pathetic. And the last thing she ever wanted was to feel pathetic—especially now. Especially sitting in Kakashi’s bedroom, the years of their past hanging over their heads like heavy smog. She had kept up her façade for so long, made herself out to be this impenetrable force. She had proven herself worthy in the face of her former friend, hadn’t she? Had she not defeated the cruel words he flung at her that day in their youth? The insinuation that she was weak, hopeless, that she should just _give up_? She needed to prove to him that she had changed, that she was nowhere near that weeping, whining little girl that he once knew. That she had slaughtered the wonder and worry in her heart, that she had grown cold just like him. But now here she was losing her sanity. She supposed she wasn’t doing a very good job of this now.

A storm of unspoken words tangled in her throat, fought for dominance. A million _I’m sorry_ ’s and _You were right_ ’s and _I’m no better now than I was back then_. She lifted her gaze slowly to meet Kakashi’s mismatched eyes, the terror rising like bile, and tried to choke out an apology but rather than finding his cold, hard stare, he seemed softer now. Kinder. More accommodating. Perhaps even _scared_. The thought of having scared him was almost thrilling in a sick and sadistic way. And then, without another word, he reached out and gently took her trembling hands in his. His palms were so big compared to her own, so warm and comforting. Though his fingers were calloused from years of rough work, there was an inexplicable softness to his touch. He squeezed her hands lightly and a soft smile touched his lips.

“Everything’s going to be fine” he whispered, his voice so soft as if he feared any louder might break her. “I’m right here.”


	2. tucking the sheets around them when they stir during the night

Rei furrowed her brows and slowly creaked her eyes open. She had no idea what time it was and quite frankly, she didn’t think she wanted to know. Brushing her mess of hair back out of her face, she felt around the bed for her boyfriend. Kakashi had fallen asleep quickly that night, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Now, she struggled to find him as she swiped her hand back and forth across the mattress. The blankets were in a tangled mess at their feet and the air was cold and thin. Even Rei herself was shivering.

When she finally found Kakashi in the darkness, he was so far on the other side of the bed that he was practically pressed up against the wall. He was curled up like a small child, knees to his chest and face buried in his pillow. If Rei listened closely enough, she swore she could hear him whimper. Her heart sank. She wondered what kinds of nightmares he was having tonight.

There were very few people Kakashi allowed himself to be this vulnerable with. When on missions, it was as if he remained hyperaware of his own subconscious at all times. He’d lay stock-still in his little futon, flat on his back and with no expression on his masked face. There was no way sleeping like that was comfortable but Rei supposed it was necessary. His comrades could not know the horror he saw every night in his dreams, reliving the deaths of those he held closest to his heart. But Rei was a different story.

Rei had always been there. She watched from the front porch as the coroner carted Sakumo’s body away. She defended him when rumors began to swirl that Kakashi had stolen Obito Uchiha’s eye, and again when he was deemed “friend-killer” in the wake of Rin’s death. Even when he had cast her aside, when he had shoved her out of his life for fear of losing her, too, she was always still there. She lived rent free in the back of his mind. He constantly wondered what she was up to, if she was okay. He’d check on her every so often, a shadow lurking in alleyways, invisible. And then, when he was face to face with her in the ANBU, he was terrified, yes, but at the same time…almost _relieved_. She was here. She was with him. He could keep an eye on her always, and feel the warmth of her presence without having to hide from her. She was the last person he refused to lose.

Sitting upright, Rei drew her knees up to her chest and just sat there in silence for a long while. She watched Kakashi twitch and sob in his sleep, his brow furrowing as he fought off his own internal demons. It was almost painful to see him like this. She wished there was something she could do. She knew better than to wake him—he would startle, mind still trapped in the chaos of his dream, and potentially hurt her. If he was given any reason to believe that the sudden jolt from his dreams was due to a threat, she would surely be on the receiving end of a kunai. She knew he kept one under his pillow just in case.

After a long moment of deliberation, however, Rei finally decided there was one simple thing she could manage to do. She reached down to the foot of the bed, gathering up the edge of the blankets, and tugged them up over Kakashi’s lean body. She smoothed them out over his back, tucking him in almost like a small child. His blanket was not overly heavy, but it was not thin and cheap, either. She rested a hand on the plush fabric only a for a moment, reveling in the softness of the olive green fleece and tracing the silhouettes of shuriken dancing along the surface.

A few moments passed and Kakashi gradually seemed to calm. He snuggled up inside the blanket, sighing softly as he inhaled the familiar scent. There was something about the smell of that blanket that always brought him so much comfort—that sweet, warm, familiar scent, floral like fabric softener but musty like home. Even Rei found comfort in it, burrowing down into the bed herself as she felt her eyelids begin to droop. She scooted closer to Kakashi, resting a gentle but distant hand on his back, and hoped for the rest of the night, he would sleep peacefully. 


	3. traveling long distances just to see them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day 💕

Kakashi could hardly stand the excitement rising in his chest as he and his team came nearer and nearer to the entrance gates of Konoha. They had been gone for two weeks, their mission taking far longer than he had expected. He refused to stay away any longer than necessary, however. It was Valentine’s Day and he could not bring himself to miss spending it away from Rei.

By the time they reached the village, Kakashi was tired and sore. Naruto was complaining about…god only knows what, and Sakura was making comments about how they cut their mission so short, that what if they had forgotten to lie up loose ends and the whole thing ended up being a bust? She’d hate to have something like that on her record—as if her record of D-rank missions even mattered much right now. And true, Kakashi felt a little guilty for rushing through the last days of their assignment but yet again, he didn’t care. The thought of Rei sitting home alone on Valentine’s Day, forced to buy herself chocolate and flowers (if she even went that far on her own) broke his heart. He refused.

His heart pounded in his chest as he ascended the stairs to their apartment, and for a moment he cursed himself for not stopping by the Yamanaka flower shop to get her a bouquet himself. He considered turning back around, but it was already sundown and he would’ve hated to waste any more time. Rei had enough flowers anyway. It would be fine. He sucked in a deep breath as he turned the key in the door, anticipating her, and then he stepped inside and there she was.

The living room was dark save for the sunlight pouring through the windows. Rei was lounging on the couch with a book in her hand, Toshio curled up by her feet. She paused, blinked, and slowly looked up. “K-Kakashi…?” she asked, her voice catching in her throat. “What are you doing here?” He wasn’t supposed to be back for a few more days. She had resolved to spend Valentine’s Day alone—she doubted he would find a way to come back to her in time. Yet here he was now, standing before her.

Kakashi sheepishly grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. “Things just so happened to work out” he replied vaguely.

Laughing, Rei tossed her book onto the coffee table, not even bothering to bookmark the page, and leapt into his arms. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and just absorbed every ounce of his presence: his strong arms around her waist, his familiar scent, the softness of his hair as she tangled her fingers at his nape. “You really didn’t need to do this” she whispered. “How did this even work out? How did you get out of the rest of your mission?”

“I didn’t” Kakashi laughed. “I just sped up the process.”

Rei shook her head incredulously. “You’re terrible” she replied. She knew how unpredictable missions such as these could be—their escort mission to the Land of Waves was proof enough of that. But even more unbelievable was how Kakashi always managed to make things work.

Kakashi cupped her cheek and tugged his mask down to plant a soft kiss on her lips, murmuring, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Rei.”

She smiled back through the kiss, locking her eyes with his, and returned the sentiment. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Kakashi” she whispered, wistful and lovelorn. Her hand glided down his chest and she could feel the sweat dampening his shirt. “You must be tired after such a long trip” she continued. “But I think I know just the thing…” Rei broke free of his grip, turning on her heels and motioning for him to follow her to the bathroom. His heart leapt into his throat as he obliged, watching her turn the water on and fill up the bathtub. She stirred in soap with her hand until it formed foamy bubbles, then got to pampering him.

Rei gently tugged Kakashi’s shirt over his head, then pulled down his pants, tossing his clothes into the corner carelessly. She undressed herself as she watched him climb into the tub and then situated herself behind him, letting him lean back to rest his head against her chest. She lathered his body with soap, gentle and affectionate. She took her time as she ran her hands down his chest, locked her fingers with his, taking great care to massage every muscle and limb. She shampooed his hair and took great delight in watching him close his eyes and sigh softly in satisfaction. For a moment, she was almost convinced he was going to fall asleep. And even after they were done, he laid there for a long while not moving, not speaking, just enjoying her presence. He ran his hands up and down her thighs, tilted his head back to smile up at her.

“You really didn’t need to do this” he whispered, voice foggy and sleepy.

“But I did” Rei countered. “After all, it’s the least I could do after you came all this way just to see me.”

Kakashi twisted around so that he could better face her, drawing her up into his lap and brushing her bangs back out of her face. “I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way” he replied. “I can’t imagine spending Valentine’s Day without you.” A soft smile touched her lips then, dropping her eyes as her cheeks burned red, but Kakashi wouldn’t let her get away with being shy that easily. He tilted her chin back up, shifted his hand toward the nape of her neck, and pulled her forward to plant one more passionate kiss on her lips.


	4. making their favorite meal when they are having a hard day

The role of an ANBU captain was not for the faint of heart. Kakashi knew this better than anyone. His pride for his wife’s accomplishments was undeniable but he hated to admit that it broke his heart seeing the way her job wore her down. She would come home day after day completely exhausted and drained, falling face first onto the couch and passing out in a matter of seconds. He’d count the new bruises dappling her skin, yellowed and sensitive, and how many more scrapes she had received in the day’s scuffle. But at least she returned home safe. He would much rather have her by his side with a few minor injuries than on life support in the hospital. He refused to consider the possibility, for his own sanity as well as hers.

Kakashi only wished there was more he could do for her. He knew the ANBU was a difficult job, and he hated that they could not talk about it together. There were some days when the weight of her responsibilities became so heavy, she would curl up in bed and cry for hours on end. He wondered who she had killed, or even worse who had _seen_ her kill. They could only do so much to keep things contained and secretive. Some rogues took advantage of that to make a spectacle of their arrest, shouting that the apprehending agents were hurting them and that they had done nothing wrong. Sometimes Rei and her comrades had no choice but to use deadly force. It was a decision she hated having to make. It always fell back on her shoulders like lead, second-guessing her decisions and wondering if she had made a mistake. Death never came easy, especially when you were the one doing the killing. The ANBU was truly not for the faint of heart.

It was on a slow, lonely afternoon that Kakashi finally decided what he could do to help. So many times Rei had slept through dinner, forced to toss leftovers in the microwave at 11pm when she finally groaned awake. She deserved better and Kakashi knew this. Tomorrow she was finally granted a coveted day off. He would treat her well. He would make her a dinner to remember so that tonight, she could sleep peacefully. It was the least he could do.

Toshio watched with intrigue as Kakashi chopped vegetables and began boiling water for noodles. He was sure Rei wouldn’t have wanted anything too fancy, but homecooked and full of love would certainly suffice. By sundown, the kitchen smelled incredible and he found he had enough spare time to even attempt her grandmother’s gyoza recipe. He spread the food out on the kitchen table, ensuring that the presentation was perfect, and then waited.

Luckily, Rei returned home shortly after, soon enough for the food to stay warm. She kicked her shoes off at the door and immediately paused, the scent of a homecooked meal hitting her nose and warming her heart. “K-Kakashi…what is all of this about?” she asked.

Kakashi grinned proudly, pulling out a chair for her. “You’ve been working so hard, so I wanted to treat you!” he replied.

Rei couldn’t believe it. How could she have possibly landed such an incredible man? She held up a finger as she raced to the bedroom, ripping her ANBU uniform off and changing into something more comfortable, before rushing back out and taking a seat. Kakashi spooned out a bowl of soup for her and nodded toward the plate of gyoza.

“I doubt they’re as good as Grandma Teiko’s, but I tried” he laughed sheepishly. Rei picked one up with her chopstick and popped it in her mouth, smiling.

“They’re just fine” she replied. “The fact you went to the effort at all is good enough for me.”

Kakashi shrugged as he poured himself his own bowl of soup. “It was really nothing” he replied. “I just wanted you to eat well.”

Rei’s eyes welled up with tears but she swallowed them back in order to save face. She couldn’t begin to explain how grateful she was to have a husband who just automatically knew the pain and strife she faced on a daily basis without ever having to say a word to him. A husband who took such deep and affectionate care of her on his own accord.

Kakashi noticed her eyes glossing and reached across the table to take his hand in hers. She sniffled, dropping her gaze in an attempt to maintain composure, and croaked out a soft, simple “Thank you, Kakashi. So much.”

He merely smiled back and replied, “It’s not a problem.”


	5. giving them a kiss before going to work and they are still in bed

Rei stirred as her alarm sounded for the fifth time that morning. No matter how badly she wanted to stay in bed, she knew she could not afford to hit snooze _again_. She would only have fifteen minutes to get ready for work. If she waited any longer, she’d never hear the end of it.

The sun hadn’t even risen yet, which only made getting out of bed that much harder, but that meant nothing to what Rei had to do. Forcing herself upright, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and ripped the blankets back across the bed. Kakashi stirred but did not wake.

A part of her was jealous that he had a day off. She wished she could spend it with him. They’d sleep in until noon, make a big breakfast together, maybe open the windows while they ate to enjoy the fresh afternoon air. No rushing, no responsibilities. Just pure leisure and luxury. Her heart ached.

Leaving him in the mornings was always the hardest part. She’d linger on his face, the way he’d sprawl out across the bed when he was having a good night’s sleep. Something about seeing him passed out in the early dawn, in his purest and most vulnerable state, made her heart swell. She loved the way his hair stuck up in all directions—moreso than usual—and the way his brows furrowed in his sleep. His mouth was always creaked slightly ajar, sometimes eliciting a whimper here and there if he was having an especially vivid dream. And with his shirt off, she could survey every bruise and scar constellating his body. She’d trace them with a gentle fingertip, mapping when and where he may have earned them.

Kakashi was, unexpectedly, a heavy sleeper. True, there were nights when he was overwhelmed with nightmares, nights when he’d toss and turn and snap awake gasping for breath. He never liked to talk about the things he saw but Rei’s imagination was vivid enough to make a solid guess. After all, Kakashi had already been through so much. He carried with him every day the weight of his loss and his mistakes. It only made sense that they’d creep out in the dead of night to haunt him. After all, it was then that he was in his most vulnerable state.

This time, however, it was clear that he had slept peacefully. Rei brushed the hair out of his face and smiled down at him, washed with relief. It took all of her strength to peel herself away from him, to strip down and climb into their cold, dark shower and brace herself for another day. She turned the faucet to the left, waited for the warm water to cradle her, then jerked it all the way to the right for a shock of cold. A comfort easing her into the morning, squarely interrupted by a punch to the gut. It was the only way she could manage to snap herself fully awake.

On mornings like this, her ANBU uniform felt like a strait jacket. She was not unhappy with her career, not in the slightest, but when her heart yearned to be elsewhere, any detour felt unbearable. She purposely took her time getting dressed despite the blaring signals in the back of her mind telling her she was running out of time. She scrubbed herself dry until her skin was red and irritated, let her fingers idle on the coarse texture of her pants and the elasticity of her undershirt. She traced the markings on her mask, considering a new paint job for the cracking acrylic. And then, when there was nothing else left to do and she had already ruined her punctuality, she turned back for one last glimpse of Kakashi fast asleep.

It wasn’t selfishness or separation anxiety that made it so hard to leave him as much as it was the fear of the unknown. Every day she put on that uniform, she could never predict what she was bound to face. What mission she was destined to embark on. If she would make it home alive. She tried not to think about it, but it ate away at her anyway. Life was so fragile, and the world was so dangerous. Rei swallowed back the lump in her throat as she quietly stepped nearer to his side of the bed, knelt down, cupped his cheek in her hand. She could never imagine a life without him by her side, and she would never forgive herself if she left him too soon. A soft, bittersweet smile touched her lips then as she leaned down and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. He stirred slightly, a small smile tugging at his lips, before she fixed her mask to her face and disappeared into the unknown.


End file.
